page 2 of 2

As I ponder, I realize that is what surprises me about being here. Not only have I not forgotten anything, I remember it all with such clarity. I remember walking down the halls for the last time. I scraped my black souls into the floor as I passed a thousand faces. They stood silent, peering from behind closed doors. Their skin drawn tight across emotionless canvasses, eyes blank and distant as if the artist intended to leave the work unfinished. It was the last time I saw Jason. I had met him one year earlier in one of my classes. Jason was at a confusing time in his life, coming to terms with his sexuality. He had spent the whole term planning for his "coming out". I had overheard him talking to his friends in my study period. I always had to tell him to be silent. Three months later, the school had to deal with me. After the beating, I heard he had relocated to another school. I wonder how he will overcome his hidden fears.

I can remember being surprised that evening after the parking lot incident. The principle called my home to tell me he was sincerely sorry about the Board's decision. And he also wanted to personally apologize for the minor confrontation in the lot that afternoon. Minor confrontation, my ass. They had created an obscene version of the Who's "magic bus" out of my '86 VW Rabbit, they being a couple of hoodlums I had failed last term. Cans of blue and red spray paint lay scattered under my car. The secretary in the main office asked that I not use her phone, but use the one in the hall. It took me thirteen minutes to convince her I could not infect her by using her phone, not what I call a minor confrontation.

And through all the pain and frustrations my wife became a bitch. It was hard to believe she got so upset with me when I finally confronted her about Dick. Two brothers dying from Aids, and a positive wife between does answer the obvious questions. He's not dead yet, but he became ill the day before I died. He thought she wouldn't be at risk if he pulled his penis out of her before his orgasm. Telling her that he had tested positive never occurred to him. She lost a one-month child the same day he became ill. I didn't even know she was pregnant, until she became ill and was put in the hospital with me. I heard them sedate her after they told her she could never bear children. I remember feeling a bit disturbed at first, but I see an understanding to it all now.

The last thing I remember before being here was a wonderful garden. It is hard to say where it was or how I had gotten there. A great tree reached out and picked me up. It seemed to almost have a face. I remember being asked if I was content or not. It seemed so odd, coming from a tree. I asked to see what my brother would suffer for my death. A light from below my feet drew my attention. Below me was a large pool. "Funny I hadn't noticed it earlier," I had thought. In the waters I say him die three times my pain for his actions, I looked to the tree and nodded. I began to think about my wife. Before I could speak, the tree pointed to the water. I saw my wife forced to walk the Earth alone, three times the span I had walked, shamed until death. I looked up and nodded again.

"Are you content?" the Great Tree Goddess asked again.

I had looked around and felt the years fall from me as a light wind crossed my cheek. I had taken a deep breath, turning to the Goddess. "Yes," I had said, feeling not the need to leave. That is my last memory. I am not there now, but she told me I can sing with her each time a wind passes. I now see without eyes and feel without hands, although I am not sure if I can move. I think I am a rock.

Its not what I had expected.

Well, almost not what I had expected, but it is satisfying enough for an eternity.